Friday, January 29, 2010

There's really only one way to go from here, and it's down.

That's it. Everyone freeze. Don't move.

No one may walk anywhere; the floors have been vacuumed/swept/mopped.
The Bug may not wake up from her nap having pooped her pants; every dirty diaper has been taken to the trash.
No one may eat; the dishes are done and counters are wiped.
No one may use the toilet; they have been scrubbed.
Also, no one may wipe; the rolls of toilet paper have been restocked.
Do not plop down on the LoveSac; it has been freshly fluffed.
Unfortunately for the world, I will not brush my teeth; I polished the sinks.
You'll have to remain in your current clothing; the laundry is done. (It's not folded. Shh. Don't tell.)
Dare not stink; the Candle Breeze has been running, filling the air with Citrus Burst.

Do not try me; I am a postpartum woman just minutes away from the worst month of the year (I hate you, February) and my house is, for one shining instant, clean.

5 comments:

Zach and Car said...

Can I just tell you how much I love it when I realize I haven't read your blog in too long? The result is always the same, me getting to read post after post and laughing until I forget my crazy. You are awesome. Your new haircut is awesome. Your tomato story was hilarious, and boy, do I wish my house were clean right now :) Can't believe how big and lovely the babygirl is. WOW. She's adorable! Tell the Mr. hello for us :)

Jessica said...

I am so impressed! I am a postpardum woman wallowing in my own filth. I haven't showered today and most likely won't. Half the family is still in PJs at 5 pm - there's no point in changing now. My garbage cans are full, my house is a mess. The only reason the floors are vacumned is because my mom came over and did it. So hats off to you. You deserve a metal.

Jessica said...

PS. I really like your hair! The color looks great.

Melinda said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way. And how does the house get so freakin' messy right after I've spent my precious energy getting it spotless?

Brandon and Stacey said...

Haha!! i SO can relate and you know...i can't help to both love and loath that feeling...haha!!
Congratulations though! because despite the inevitable, it's so nice to actually be able to get it to that perfect clean state every once in awhile! Bravo! :)