Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

This was the statement presented to the Bishop of our ward as fact:

"Kristie plays the piano."

I suppose this is technically not a lie, which is good because lying to the Bishop is never a good idea. I am physically capable of placing my frame in front of a piano and touching the keys with some semblence of order. I read music, and I took piano lessons for approximately 6 months when I was 16 from someone who was not nearly mean enough to me. I enjoy plunking around the keys from time to time at my parents house. Let me be clear about this, though: I. Am. Not. Good.

Another statement was directed at the Bishop by the same person who uttered the first, seemingly to reinforce the concept:

"Kristie attended college on a music scholarship."

Again, technically not a lie. I did receive a small music scholarship to Utah State. BECAUSE I PLAYED THE CLARINET. Which, you'll note, has nothing to do with the piano. Also, I declined to accept the scholarship for a second year because the emotional price to keep the money was far too high. I can't believe I'm admitting this on the internet, but the emotional price was the horror known as marching band. (Hangs head in humiliation.) Please don't make me think about it again.

The culprit of these non-lies was my mother.

My mother has a lot of talents, but music is not one of them. Therefore, my musical skills must appear magnificent in her eyes.

Or something.

The result of these non-lies?

I'll tell you later. For now, let me just say something to you that is absolutely not a joke. I am so scared. Also, I believe in miracles. Real, actual miracles from a loving Father in Heaven who cares about and is intimately involved in the details of my life. I have faith, weak though it is sometimes. I believe in miracles.

And it's a good thing I do. Because I'm going to need one.

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear;
but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."


Vince said...


This sounds an awful lot like something that happened on my mission. I got caught playing around on the small keyboard they had in the branch I was serving in, and next thing I knew I was playing it for sacrament meeting until I got transferred.

The nice thing about that though was that in Guatemala, they have no idea how the hymns are supposed to sound anyway, so you can mess up all you want and they never really notice.

Good luck with whatever you've been asked to do!

Liv said...

That reminds me of all the times I was called as ward chorister until I finally broke down crying and revealed that I can't read music.

I still get asked to conduct sacrament for months at a time though- without an official calling.

If I survived, then you can too :) Good luck!

Katie and Chad Metz said...

PRIMARY PIANIST!!!!!! i KNEW it. It's the ONE thing my mom always guilted us with when we wanted to quit piano. "You'll be the primary pianist one day....don't you want to serve in your ward?" (um, no.)

Samantha Kennicott said...

Oh no, I am scared for you, whatever the task may be. :) My first week in my current calling in Young Women's, the president asked if I by chance played the piano since they normally sang acapella. I admitted that I could plunk through a few hymns and agreed to play the opening song on Sundays, but begged that the info NEVER be passed on to the bishop. :) You can do it, good luck!

Jessica said...

So it finally happened huh? So sorry to hear it. You'll do great.

I was finally released from Primary. The bishop called me in but I'm getting out of it for a few weeks with the new baby and all. I'm nervous to see what he has to say.