Thursday, January 27, 2011

I bring you...

A pumpkin garden? Beans in a garbage disposal? Good guesses, all, really.

I may have mentioned in the past that I have a truly rad family. It's true! For example, at our yearly Christmas party on my dad's side we hold a white elephant gift exchange that always has us roaring with laughter. This year's highlights included a man meat bag, a shake weight, and several bottles of a well-known multi-level marketing drink. I stole the blog surprise package fair and square from my Uncle Mark.

And thus I bring you...

 The Chia Shrek!

Oh yeah, baby. Who hasn't been tempted to buy one of these off the late night infomericals? (Did you know I adore infomercials?) When Uncle Mark sees how rad this experiment is, he's going to be super bummed that he missed out. I know that both my glasses and I are thrilled about the prospects!

So anyway, the reason this surprise took so long and therefore was so anti-climatic was that the Chia took a bit longer to sprout and become interesting than I thought. I mixed up the seeds from my mystery pictures with water, and they sort of turn to a sticky paste. I dutifully spread the mixture all over my Chia planter, thusly:

Note the baby in the background. I suppose this is as good a time as any to detail one of her more annoying traits. You'll note the rather large wet spot all the way down her torso in the picture above. Bug loves her sippy cup of milk, but occasionally, when she decides she's had her fill, she opts to ignore the baby sign for 'all done' (which she knows) or even the simple act of just setting the sippy aside, and instead chooses to slurp up an entire mouthful of milk and then open her mouth and allow the whole thing to dribble right down the front of her. Sigh.

Anyway, back to the Chia. Obediently, I covered the planter to keep it moist for a few days, and spritzed it regularly with water. (P.S. My child has also learned to suck water out of a spray bottle nozzle. I know.)

And then it basically looked exactly the same for several days. I did not bother boring you with that. Over the last night or two, however, things have really taken off.

It seems somehow appropriate that my Chia Shrek has decided on the mullet as the ultimate hair style.

I told you this would be rad!

I promise to have regular plant updates from now until the planter grows its promised thick, lush coat. Bonus: there are enough seeds for three more plantings!

One more old lady shot, only slightly different from the first? Ok, sure. Why not?

It's not so much that I need my glasses to see, per se. My eyes do that fine on my own. (Am I defending my optical abilities?) The glasses just help out if I'm going to be doing a lot of reading or computer work and don't feel like suffering through a raging headache afterwards. Plus, I'm old.

Stay tuned!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

37.037- A love story.

As of today, Schmoopsie and I have been smooching for a decade. (Without being too graphic, allow me the liberty to say that, um, we're getting pretty great at it.) Ten years. I'm not subtracting the two (or was it twenty?) years he was off spreading the gospel in Mexico, because I didn't get any smooches from anyone else during that time, and (I presume) neither did he. And oh, I missed those smooches. Ten years. That comes out to roughly 37.037 percent of my life.

I don't want to make you gag with sappy stories of how fabulously wonderful he is, even though they'd all be true. I remind him of our sappy stories between kisses (reminder: they're great), and that's good enough for us.

He's my best friend.

He's a great kisser.

What else does a girl need?

PS- Five years ago tonight, he asked me to marry him. Anyone want to hear that story?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Ice cream, YIP! Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling!

Took a trip to Happy Valley to enjoy some yummy barbeque from one of our favorite out-of-state haunts that has finally made it here! If you haven't tried Dickie's, give it a whirl. Best of all, they have free ice cream cones when you're finished eating.

After snacking on Mama's baked beans and macaroni and cheese, Bug took full advantage!


My first cone!

When Bug is older and frustrated at her super straight, fine, wispy hair that will not (repeat: WILL NOT!) hold curl for even a minute, she can blame the man sitting there on her right. His genes, baby, passed along through tu mama.  Then again, half of her hair is curly-ish, so I guess anything could happen.

Dancing Queen

Darling Bug,

Hello, my love! I don't want to talk about how you are 15 entire months old already, or how I'm afraid to blink because I know if I do you'll magically be headed to kindergarten or packing up for college or whatever. Your daddy and I spend half our lives shaking our heads in disbelief, and mumbling to each other, "Dude. We have a KID now."  It's too freaky, and it makes me get all sorts of nostalgic and emotional. Instead, I'll do what I do best these days. Brag.

You have four dance moves. It's a lot for such a small girl, especially one made by two people as uncoordinated on the dance floor as your father and me. Here's the basic run down.
1- The Knee Bend. This move has two variations.
a. The rapid knee bounce. Appropriate for fast-paced Taylor Swift songs (I blame your Aunt Megan for this obsession) and hip-hop.
b. The slower, deep knee bend.  Appropriate for your slow jams. Also excellent for developing fabulous quads.

2- The Waist Lean. This move involves cocking your head to the side, and leaning over from the waist on a slight angle. Must be accompanied by goofy grin.

3- The Classic Spin. Simply put, this involves spinning around in place, generally in a clockwise fashion. (So far, you do not appear to be an ambi-turner.) Can be performed in the aisle during Sunday School should the video clip have musical accompaniment.

4- The Arm Twist. Your rarest move, wherein the arms are held out at rib level, fists lightly clenched, feet planted. Twist from side to side at the waist. The benefit to this move is that you can maintain eye contact with your audience, and manage to look quite pleased with yourself without compromising your rhythm.

I have never seen a baby who loves to dance as much as you do. The very hint of music immediately ellicits a wide grin and the light bouncing of your little head. You dance in your car seat, in your high chair, and even in your crib.

Here is an image I carry in my head: As I sit on the couch, the large window behind the table lets in the sunshine, backlighting your little body as you toddle across the room. Your fine, wispy hair stands on end after your nap, swaying with your steps like corn stalks in the wind, lighting up around your head like a halo in the sunshine. Your little nose wrinkles into a sassy grin when the music begins, and you spin awkwardly, bobbing your head nearly in time with the music. You are my little music box.

Do you want to know something that makes me laugh? When I am the Tickle Monster and you are my prey, you often run towards my playful growling and outstretched fingers, giggling before you even reach me. It's the funniest thing. Quite often, you growl back between fits of laughter, a low, throaty noise that sounds silly sandwiched between your happy squeals.

You give kisses now, darling! Your Daddy is so excited to get smooches from his little girl before he leaves for work. We purse our lips like a fish and lean into you expectantly, and you open your lips wide and plant them right on the mouth. Each time, we cheer and clap and squeal with joy, and you join in, giggling quietly and clapping your chubby little hands together in your silly spastic way. I'd walk through fire to get those kisses.

I am so proud of you, Bug. Don't stop. Find joy in moving. Get lost in the song. Run toward whatever makes you happy. Kiss the people you love.

You already know so much of what you need. Just don't forget it, princess.

Love you all the way to the moon,

PS- You also like to feed your string cheese to the dog. Go ahead and forget that part.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Where I am now

Do you remember where I was before?  Hip hip! I'm not there anymore. And because I love annoyingly vague references to my life, particularly those involving poo--and who doesn't?--I'm bestowing upon you an update.

My Coast Guard friends, long supportive via long distance radio communications (or something?) finally arrived. I strapped on that harness, and the chopper lifted me from the smelly ship high, high into the clear blue sky. (Admittedly, there was a moment of nervous neck rash somewhere in there, but I'm used to that by now.)

So here I am, swinging from a cable above Poop Sea and below the helicopter piloted by the Coast Guard. Sailing through the sky is frightening, but let me tell you something: the air is clear up here, and there are no flies. There is a chance I will have to stay in my airborne harness for a while, spinning and twisting in the wind, and occasionally losing circulation in my legs from the harness straps. It's a risk I am willing to take. The choice was easy; I was drowning.

And, if I am very, very lucky, I may just get to land softly on that wide, wooden bridge I see on the horizon.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

As promised

Now that I've put it off so long, this whole 'surprise with pictures' business is sure to be a giant let down, particularly since my sister-in-law thought I'd be announcing that I was pregnant. Wouldn't that be fun! Guess what! Nope. I told her she was crazy; there's no way I could have hidden the amount of puke that accompanies that condition from her on our marathon shopping day. Besides, does this look like a child who is ready for the responsibility of sibling-hood?

(As an aside, doesn't this little native dress that Bunk and Grammy Lu picked up on their cruise just kill you? With her exotic, cocoa-colored complexion and shiny black hair, she looks darn near authentic.)

Anyway, back to the let down. Here at A Bug's Life, we are pleased to announce a little project for the next, oh, month or so. Below are the promised snapshots, intended to serve as clues for our game. Any guesses on what we are up to?

Good luck!

Oh yeah. One teeny tiny itsy bitsy little detail provided as a partial penance for the disappointment from before.


Chew on that.

Monday, January 17, 2011

This has shifted my entire world view.

I'm not kidding. My life has totally been rocked.

This whole time it's been incorrect to put two spaces after the end of a sentence? What? Who am I?

Curse you, Misters Miller, Wood, and Drake, for never correcting this atrocious behavior. I passed two (TWO!) AP English tests and never knew this. Two college degrees! Am I dreaming?

Goin' to California

Took my chances on a big jet plane
Never let 'em tell you that they're all the same...

Me and the gals on our wild shopping trip:

Not sure why we chose to stand in front of Frederick's for our one shopping picture...

I dig this airport, notwithstanding the fact that it sort of feels like a strong breeze could take out the whole thing. Also, despite all visible evidence to the contrary, my pants are not velour.
 As mentioned, we had a wonderful time on our day-long ladies trip.  Do I hear tradition calling?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Things that suck.

Disclaimer: These are also not the promised surprise pictures.  They are coming, however.  After I take them.

A story:  A couple of years ago, when we moved into our condo and immediately bought a dog that was too large for the regulations, we also made another important, related purchase.  After squeezing the last drops of life out of the very used vacuum I had purchased for $20 off of a roommate in college, it was time for our very own sucking machine.  We sidled in to the Walmart down the street and dropped some hard earned cash on one of their in stock models.  Off we went, proud to clean up our brand new dog's hair with our brand new vacuum. 

Fast forward to a new house with the same dog plus a Cheerio dropping toddler, and our not-so-nice-to-begin-with Walmart vacuum was decidedly missing the mark.  An online visit to was needed, and an order was placed for a Shark-- a brand we had heard was comparable to the legendary Dyson without the large price tag. 

It came in the mail yesterday.  While Schmoopsie and Bug worked on assembling the machine, (I don't do Styrofoam.  shudder.)  I decided to conduct an experiment.  I carefully vacummed the floors with our old machine, and then excitedly made the rounds with the new one. 

Cue gross-out mode.  Here is the cannister after one pass of the living room and half of the hall.
In case that visual doesn't get the point across, here is the first load of filth in the garbage on top of a bread bag.

So far, we are over the moon with our purchase.  Besides the all-important sucking power, which the Shark appears to have plenty of, I am also thrilled to pieces with the perfect vacuum lines it leaves when I am finished.  It's the small things in life, really.

P.S.  The title of the post.  Aren't I punny?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Flower child

 This is not the promised surprise or accompanying pictures, but I can't stop giggling at this.  Behold the fruits of my California shopping trip:

I did not buy her in CA.  She was a previous purchase.

Attention world: New maximum value on the cute scale.

Let's be honest, I bought this ridiculous ensemble at the TJ Maxx in Costa Mesa, so it's not like it's exotic or anything, but STILL.  Betcha you wish she lived at your house.

Friday, January 7, 2011


After a whiz-bang start to the new year, I'm all out of blog juice.  Already.

Here are some things I am thinking about:

Tomorrow I'm going to California (you heard me right) for what is sure to be a hilarious day of shopping and laughing with a bunch of my sisters and Bug's Grammy Lu.  Sorry, Bug.  You're staying home with Daddy this time.

If I didn't feel old when I turned 27, I did when I had to get my very first pair of prescription reading glasses.  Next up: a walker with tennis balls on the legs.

101.9 The End:  see, I was right.  I told you your new programming was embarrassingly awful.  You should've listened to me 9 months ago.  But, we'll let bygones be bygones.  I forgive you.  Thank you for the Californication on my way to work yesterday.  It nourishes my heart.

I have had a four letter word (no, not that kind of four letter word.  One of my twenty-seven-olutions was to stop with those, anyway.  Remember?  A kid who will be talking soon?  Can't have her imitating her sailor mama now, can we?) spinning and rolling around in my head, begging for more study and perhaps a blog post or two.  Your thoughts on hope would be greatly appreciated.

Will you all promise to come back and check out the blog next week if I promise you a very special surprise?  Hint:  it will involve pictures.  Maybe I'll even throw in some sporting my newest senior citizen accessory.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2011 is going to be great, and I'm not just saying that.

Birds flying high- you know how I feel

Sun in the sky- you know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by- you know how I feel

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good!

Fish in the sea- you know how I feel
River running free- you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree- you know how I feel

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life

for me

And I'm feeling good!

Dragonfly out in the sun- you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun- you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world

For me

Stars when you shine- you know how I feel
Scent of the pine- you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine!
And I know how I feel

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life

for me!

And I'm feeling good.
-Anthony Newley & Leslie Bricusse