Saturday, May 31, 2008

Things I don't like.

I wouldn't say that I'm a real picky eater. I'll give most things a whirl, I guess. Generally if I don't like something there's a darn good reason for it, too. Examples:

a. Bugles. Besides clearly being the most disgusting snack food ever designed to fit on a child's sweaty fingers, I also barfed them up once. As everyone knows, once it comes back up, it takes a strong will to send it back down again, especially if it's cheddar flavored. My roommate in college and I had a solemn pact-- I wouldn't bring squash into the house if she didn't buy Bugles. In that regard, at least, we lived in harmony.

b. Celery. Stringy, first of all, and always crunching up perfectly good chicken salad sandwiches without a good excuse. Also, why does every Kindergarten teacher want to slap some peanut butter and raisins on it and call it Ants on a Log? (As a side note, sometimes I feel bad for raisins. They're like shrivled, embarrassed versions of their former plump fruit selves.) Anyway, it was gross enough before they named it after insects.

c. Beets. My coworker stained her shirt the other day with purple beet juice after having a plate loaded of them with a few wimpy pieces of lettuce underneath so she could pretend it was a salad. Plus, they were sliced with those sort of ridged knives that people cut baby carrots with to make them all rippley. Weird. Ever notice that they only do that to vegetables that don't have a normal texture? Like they're not quite soft enough to be pureed but still turn to baby food in your mouth? I've never once seen a self respecting ear of corn allow itself to be cut like that.

d. Mushrooms. Hello? Fungus? With the exception of our rose bushes and an occasional run-by with the lawnmower, our overwhelming back yard has been left largely to its own devices this year. While my petunias struggle out front, this charming little bud sprouted without a drop of encouragement from us. I'm sure many of my clients could think of lots of fun recreational activities to engage in with a little help from this:

Pizza, anyone? That's what I thought.