Dear Alumni Associations from either of my two alma maters,
Thanks so much for thinking of me! It's really very touching, especially since you are so darn consistent! However, I will not be giving you any money at this time. I am, after all, still paying for the experience of attending your school. Shucks. (This is where I snap my finger in a swishing motion while pulling a helpless face and shrugging my shoulders. That way you have a visual.)
Aggies, go ahead and give me a try in, say, a decade or so. We'll see if I'm done paying for the first go 'round by then.
Utes, you weren't that great the first time around. And you were puh-ricey, even for just one wimpy year of grad school. So I'll have to ponder on that one.
Your distinguished graduate
P.S.- GO AGGIES!