In the future, maybe you could save on the postage

Dear Alumni Associations from either of my two alma maters,

Thanks so much for thinking of me!  It's really very touching, especially since you are so darn consistent!  However, I will not be giving you any money at this time.  I am, after all, still paying for the experience of attending your school.  Shucks.  (This is where I snap my finger in a swishing motion while pulling a helpless face and shrugging my shoulders.  That way you have a visual.)

Aggies, go ahead and give me a try in, say, a decade or so.  We'll see if I'm done paying for the first go 'round by then.

Utes, you weren't that great the first time around.  And you were puh-ricey, even for just one wimpy year of grad school.  So I'll have to ponder on that one.

Best regards,
Your distinguished graduate

P.S.- GO AGGIES!