Tuesday, June 9, 2009

MSG: Open Letters re: Curbing Debacle

Dear Neighbor:

It has come to my attention (repeatedly) that perhaps my dog's occasional bark is upsetting to you. It's true; she does bark from time to time when the Arby's dumpster behind our house is emptied. You'll remember, of course, that she is a dog and that the dumpster is full of roast beef.

But, no matter. By way of masking the offending noise, you'll note that Daddy

and Paddy

will be making use of a jack hammer. During a thunderstorm.

Best regards,
The (rather noisy) person who lives next door to you.

Dear Former Owners of our Home:

Were you aware that decorative yard curbing is not, in fact, part of the weight-bearing foundation for the Empire State Building? Though I am admittedly not a construction worker, I hardly feel an 18 inch footing of solid concrete was necessary.
In addition, had you considered that even if you had planned on adding the Empire State building to the foundation, perhaps random scrap metal need not have been used as an anchor?

What's done is done, however, and you'll be happy to note that we safely recovered the following from their concrete tombs in our front yard:

Bent metal pieces

A small saw bladeA large saw blade

Metal tool handlesRailroad spikes
PVC pipe circa Korean War era
A crowbar


Somewhat more concerningly, a stripper pole
(or fence post)

You're welcome.
With deepest gratitude,
The New Homeowners-turned-excavators


P.S. Many thanks to Husband, Papanwa, and MJ for completing the historic dig.
And in a monsoon, no less! Bravo!

6 comments:

colette said...

That IS crazy! Are you sure you didn't just stage photos from some freaky pregnancy dream you had?

Jessica said...

That really is crazy! What were they thinking?!

mary elizabeth said...

haha, i was cracking up reading all the different things you found in there!

stripper pole was probably my favorite, just sayin'.

Liv said...

No freakin way. That is ridiculous. Out of control. Sometimes I just don't understand what people are thinking when they attempt their own projects. Why the scrap metal? WHY?!

Zach and Car said...

If only walls could talk... looks like your house would have a whole lot to say lol.

Ike said...

I'm loving your writing style. Vair funny.