It's all fun and games until someone craps in the bathtub.

Bug did not really eat her breakfast.

This is the way my day began, and it's becoming more and more typical. You see, Bug has decided that it is much more fun to ignore her own delicious food (today, an egg and ham omelet Aunt MJ prepared) and beg--BEG! Complete with sign language for 'please'!-- to be let down from her high chair. Then she wanders around the house for the next couple of hours digging for crackers in her diaper bag and asking for snacks.

I'm just going to revel in the 'please' part and call it good.

Want to know what happened next?

I stripped Bug's jammies off and began filling the bathtub. Bug peed all over the floor and the bathroom rug.

Great, I thought. Now at least she won't pee in the tub.

Instead, she pooped in the tub.

Right on, I thought, while hosing her off with the shower head.

We headed downstairs. Bug barely made it through the horror of being slathered in baby lotion with the help of an episode of Kipper. I diapered her, dressed her, and combed her crazy orphan hair into a cute little braid on the top of her head. We ran back upstairs to find her sippy cup of milk, and I peeked in on my earlier internet search for the elusive Gerber sleeveless onesie, white, size 24 months. (Why does this not exist? The 6-9 month size was awesome last year for wearing under rompers. Help, Universe.)

Bug wandered into my room, which was messy as usual, and promptly found, opened, and shook the contents out of... wait for it... wait for it... my wedding ring box.

I was wearing the sparkley wedding band that Schmoopsie gave me for our second anniversary. Thankfully, I quickly spotted my diamond engagement ring nestled on the floor. The simple wedding band that I was given in the temple, however, is missing.

I am sick over it.

I scoured the floor looking for it for several minutes. Frustrated, I sat back on my haunches to think, and that's about the time I remembered the poop in the tub and small puddle of pee on the bathroom floor.

So I'll wrap it up by saying the floor now smells of Clorox, the tub and all associated toys have been disinfected and rinsed in scalding water, and the ring is still missing in action.

How is it not even noon?